Memories of my parents: Primitivo and Maria Oliver

by Armi Oliver-Farinas
(as published 4 years ago in MVP)

“Agadal kayo nga nalaing annakko, ‘ata napateg iti adal.” “Uray no agtaray-taray ka  nga awan sapinna, dinto nga mareg-reg dayta adal mo!”  Mom used to say that a lot.  Hence, the importance of education has been imbedded in us--10 children, as 2 of our dear brothers died young, total 12 kids.

As the youngest child, I’m supposed to be spoiled from my older siblings and parents, but, I was not.  All of us were trained to help each other in everything just like the household chores:  agdalus, agkay-kay iti arubayan, agsakdo iti danum (bumba pay la idi ken bubon), agnateng wenno agisagana iti para dinengdeng/maluto, brother Johnny used to cook a lot, aglampaso, agsibog iti masetas, aglaba, agbayo iti alsong (not much ata kuttungi-tak met), etc.

No sakbay iti tienda, agpuros kami iti tarong, sili, parya, utong, balatong, etc. My dad used to plant a lot of veggies, ken nabunga dagitoy.  Aysus, ikararag kupay nga di koma nabunga dagiti sili mi ta nagrigat iti agpuros!  But when I was getting older and each time that I went to sell veggies with mom, adda met paglakuak, ket ma-ayatanakon. Sumurotak pay nga aglako idiay Puro tapno adda met sarili nga kuartak, my own sweat.  Uray agbagkatak iti labba, magna iti adayo, ayos latta!  Kayak met.  Mom wanted me to learn ti rigat iti agsapul iti kuarta ken no adda kayatko nga gatangen – at least, natgedakon. I learned the value of money at a very young age and the importance of working hard to earn a living.

Dad used to travel to Cagayan and Isabela ken adu iti paratadi nga manokna.  Ilakona dagitoy ket into no sumangpet, adu iti kuartana wenno mangisangpet iti 1 truck of rice wenno irik.  Ilakonto met ni mother idiay Puro.  Sumurotak met no kua.  Uray awan iti adalda erpats as they got married so young, nagagetda nga nagsapul ken nasalimetmetda.  Agkalkalesa pay ni Tatangko idi, a.  We had 2 kalesas, one sports or top down and a big one.  Inaramidna dagitoy.  Agaramid pay iti karison idi.  We had horses, cows, kalding, manok, pato, etc.  Adda pay kaduami idi nga agpastor ken agtagibalay ata masaksakit ni mother idi.  Tinaptapatan da pay diay katulongmi nga ni Mang Esther.  Sirsiripek met.  “Ala garampang ka, agpa-aremka met, agsirip-siripka ketdin!” sutil ni Nanang and I was only 6-7 yrs old.  Isunga saanak nga nag-papa-arem, ania.  We did live a simple, peaceful and happy life.  Saan nga kumpleto iti “punsion” no awan dagiti ka-arruba “ayabanyo amin ida da Angela… Dalen Ugale, Casing, Manang Itang, Nana Petra, diay abagatan, idiay Loob, agraman Puro.”  Kasta iti biag iti away, saan nga naragsak ni Nanang wenno ni Tatang no awan dagiti gagayyemda.

One time, we went to Manila for Mom’s operation, I was only 5-6 yrs old then.  My auntie Toyang, Victoria Oliver-Hernandez, (deceased), dad’s older sister from Makati, a UP graduate in Mathematics, owner of 6 banks in Lemery, Batangas and money shops, sugarcane plantation, etc., a millionaire then, asked my dad: “Tibong, adda kuartam?” Dad answered:  “Adda, adu’t naglakuak iti tarong!”

“Innalam kuma diay itedna a Tatang,” kunak.  “Alaemon a, dawatemon, ta igatangannak iti sapatos ko ngu sumilap-silap, alan, a,” indawatko.  “Saan tayo nga agdaw-dawat, agsapul tayo.”  I was very mad! I didn’t understand then on why my dad didn’t accept the help from my aunt.  We were so poor in Namalpalan and each time we went to Manila, I was so proud to see my aunt using Mercedez Benz, had big beautiful houses with maids/drivers in uniform.  So with my cousin Atty. Tomas Oliver Del Castillo, Jr., son of Auntie Andang--teacher, dad’s oldest sister) sporting several (5) Mbenz, sports car.  Imagine nagbaknangda, ket nagpobre kami.  Aysus, ania ket nga apalkon.  Ken apay nga di dumawat ni father iti tulong?  “Work hard to be where you want to be,” he said. “Nasayaat no umapalka, it gives you inspiration to work hard.”  Hmmn, yes, if they can, I can, we can!

My mom and dad were ma-pride.  They used to say, “uray awan ad-adalmi ket napaadal dakayo met amin.  At least napadasanyo amin iti nagkolehiyo.”  We all went to College and graduated except number 5 and 10.  I am the 12th.  Not all of us finished college but my two brothers are in Namapalan to care for our lands left to us by our parents.  So the memories of our parents live on!  And I am so proud of them for what they are and I love them very much.  I am helping their children.

I am very proud to say that our parents molded us with great values, good virtues that made us for what we are today. When I was in high school at SWI, my auntie Toyang paid for my school tuition and my first sem in College at MMSU because maayatan iti kina-tarabitbit ko (wit).  But, she stopped when my father mentioned to her “Naglaing ni Armi, scholar ket libre iti libro ken tuition na, adda pay stipend na!”   That was my dad; he was so happy, very proud of his “kimmot.”  Sadly, he died when I was on my 2nd yr at MMSU.  Dikanto paayen tatang, in-promise ko.  My auntie wanted to adopt my sis Estrelle, too, before, “uray ag-doktor idiay America,” kuna na but my dad/mom never gave my sister.  Manang Estrella made it a doctor, “doctor nga di maka-agas” according to my mom, Dr. of Education ngamin.  Napatpateg iti familia ngem uray ania a banag.  And we find a way to fulfill our dreams on our own – sariling sikap.  I told my kids “be self-sufficient.’’

At SWI, I wasn’t able to join lots of school activities as my Auntie Cion Alvarez, (teacher/deceased) wanted me to be home and care for our Lilang Alang (Maestra Pascuala), agkabaw idin.  Lilang’s help during the day had to go home at night. I couldn’t believe on why mom would let us stay there in SanVicente and with less or NO freedom to pasiar or play after school nor go to Plaza during Fiesta. Mom told me “Serbianyo ni Lilong and Lilang yo tapno naasinto met ni Apo kada kayo into no bumaket kayo, kaasi pay ni Auntie yo, maymaysa na met.”  Mom reiterated the importance of helping our elders and the importance of sacrificing for the benefit of your loved ones.  Also, I admired Auntie Cion’s perseverance in caring for her ailing parents, naasi, and dedicated ken na-ayat nga baket.  Similarly, Uncle Amin (Benjamin) and Maning (Manuel) were very fond of their parents and siblings, very close to each other, a true-family - rigat ken nam-ay agtitinnarabay da.

Similarly, mom and dad, taught us to help each other.  When brother Laurente finished college, he helped with Manong Johnny’s, and then Manong helped Manang Es, then so on helping “adings”. I am the youngest, so I do not have any younger sibling to help.  But, I have more to help, lots of nephews and nieces, over 30 of them. Hence, we are committed to help our family.

My mom’s love extended all the way to my children.  She came to Hawaii and helped me. Partera ni mother ket insimpa na ni Victor John, my eldest, as I had 14 hours labor (Queen’s Hosp).  Makakaasi kaniak idin.  After 2 weeks of giving birth, I had to go back to school and finished my Master’s degree.  I wouldn’t be able to do it without mom.  Ata di met ammo ni lakay ko iti agubba pay la idi, plus VJ was so tiny and was a cry-baby.

When I went to the hospital (St. Francis) to give birth of Christian James, CJ, Dr. Lorrin Lau, my ObGyn, World Class Doctor, a graduate of Harvard Univ., said that I wasn’t ready to give birth yet (but my mom said that I was).  So, Dr.Lau attended his regular visit routes at he hospital.  Then I was in more pain--pushing!  The nurse said “do not push, do not push” and paged Dr. Lau.  Mom, said “aria ket rumuaren, awatekto!”  I looked at the nurse, 30, single, then mom, 77, 12 kids ken adu iti pina-anakna idiay Pinas.  So, I followed my mom’s order and made the big PUSH----and CJ came out without a doctor, except the nurse and my mom—the partera of Namalpalan!

Then for my 3rd, Marvin Joseph, MJ, we went to the hospital (Kapiolani) twice, false alarm kano.  But, on the 2nd time, the admitting Dr. said that I wasn’t ready to give birth yet as the “opening” was few CM only and had to send me home again. Mom said “amman aganakkan!” In just few minutes, my water bag broke then they started calling my OB doctor.  Within 44 minutes at the hospital I gave birth to MJ—again without my doctor except a student doctor, my mom and Nestor.  Nalaing ni Nanangko!

Mom reared my children well. She taught my kids good values and traditions that they carry with them to this day and hopefully forever. She stayed in Hawaii off and on for 10 years until she felt that she was really getting so weak and decided to stay in Phils for good.  My sis Estrelle and Marlyn, brothers, nephews and nieces took care of her like a queen.  Naasi idi iti babbaket ken lallakay, isunga naasi met amin dagiti tao kenkuana, neighbors, relatives and friends alike.

When I was working for over 14 hours a day doing computer conversion, I was crying as I wasn’t able to see my kids during the day or they were sleeping when I got home or still sleeping when I was leaving early in the morning.  I had no choice but to do the job as I was trained in LA for a week to head the conversion in Hawaii.  I felt so sad missing my kids.  Mom said “sacrifice, temporario la dayta, dim pay kuna dagidiay ag-abroad iti parents da.  Besides, adda-ak met.”  Mom’s thinking was never superficial.  Nalawa iti panagpam-panunut na.

But, mom was very religious and straightforward, too. Ni pay Nanang iti “nangpakasar” kadagiti kaaruba mi, Mang Angela/Ayong, Lucia /Auring, and others.  Mom said people should not be just living together, they should be blessed and accept the holy matrimony.  Hence, mom spoke with them“agkakabbalay” and coordinated with the priest, and the wedding took place in front of our house underneath the tamarind tree.  It was magical.  I‘ve been telling these stories to my kids to grasp the importance of marriage and not to do “abominable” deeds and we need God’s blessings in everything we do.

Moreover, mom was instrumental in bringing me to donate a school building in Namalpalan.  Instead of taking the money for her or for my other poor siblings we came to an agreement that if I donate a school, a lot of kids including my nephews/nieces will benefit from it.  Saan nga naagum or naimut daydi Nanang or even daydi Tatang.  Naasida. Hence, when I had the financial means I donated a school building—two classrooms with 2 toilets and a stage for my poor barrio. I dream to complete the school and would like to do this in memory of my parents who were both advocates of education. However, the international financial crisis is curtailing my dream at the moment.  But, I believe that someday, things will get better and I never stop dreaming.

Dad and mom had great disposition in life, good qualities and principles that they instilled in us, in me.  Such gave me strength and power in every decision I make and in everything I do.  To repay my parents’ sacrifices for me, I tried to be an excellent student and a good person always.  Dad died early; hence, when I had the means, I gave my mom everything I could to make her happy and ease her life.  We never missed to visit her in Namalpalan every year, sometimes twice, just to bring my kids closer to her. I begged her to hang on. I would move mountains to prolong her life as I wanted my children to learn more from her, to grasp her powerful voice “patigma-an”, ugali, patakaran, pagwadan ken panagayat. Mom left us on November 18, 2007, a month after her 85th b-day.

Dearest mom and dad, we all missed you so much. You will always be in our hearts.

The other night, I had a dream that mom and dad re-married on Dec. 8, 2008!  That’s auntie Cion’s b-day, who died a year earlier than mom and this month November is my dad’s birthday and mom’s death anniversary.  Maybe, they visit us sometimes, even in our dreams, to remind us that we should keep their teachings, ideals, morals and good values all the time.

(Thanks to Manang Gloria Butac, Manang Simang Battad, friends, family and classmates-ballroom dancers who came and helped me with mom’s 1 year prayer, much mahalo.)