Celebrating our achievements - why we’re too shy to talk about them!

by Vic A
(as published in MVP 5 years ago)

When I was new in Australia, I grappled with the concept of deliberately ‘marketing myself and my strengths to the people that mattered at work’.  I have always been someone who subconsciously relied on my delivery focus to speak for itself.  I don’t need to do any more than that.  That’s what I thought.  Oh boy, was I wrong!  Especially in a western corporate culture, you need to be more deliberate when it comes to putting yourself out there and selling your capabilities and your self in general.  You can’t afford to just wait in your corner hoping that someone will discover you and your good deeds.

When I was in the Philippines, I thought I was actually doing quite well comparatively.  But once I came to Australia, my deficiency in that department became more pronounced.  I believe they are better at doing this thing here (although sometimes we Pinoys have a different way of showing off).  I suddenly noticed these young people doing extremely well just because they know how to sell themselves and they are reaping the benefits.  They are very communicative about what they have done and how they did things.  They don’t have a problem saying what they can do and say it with such pride.  It is this attitude that makes them stand out from their more modest and more introspective Asian counterparts.  I realized this early on and I had to work on it more.  I am glad I re-invented myself in that regard.

“And why is that?”, I asked myself.  Why do we see this thing of marketing ourselves very differently in our Pinoy culture?  Why do we hesitate when it comes to making known our achievements and our successes to the extent that when they are brought to the fore, we are almost sheepish about them?  Is it because we frown upon people who try to market themselves especially when by doing that, they appear more superior than most of us?

When it comes to talking about our own capabilities and accomplishments, we feel the discomfort of being placed at the centre stage and we try to minimize whatever achievements we’ve accomplished.  When people start talking about our little successes, we are quick to say, “hindi naman, konti lang or ikaw naman, hindi totoo yan”.  Instead of just taking pride in them, we try to avoid or minimize whatever it is we have achieved.  We prefer to maintain a low-profile than to acknowledge and take any compliment with pride and grace.  I think we sometimes equate this to humility.  But to me, this is a case of false humility.

I used to have a mentor at work who actually has worked in different companies in the Asian region.  He mentioned the time when he worked in Singapore and he used to be so frustrated every time they have a brainstorming session – it was always a struggle to get anything out of them.  However, his experience with Filipinos was slightly better according to him.  They were more akin to the western culture he said although there is still something that’s holding them back.  They will say yes even if they meant no.  And to me, that’s probably a fair assessment.

I think the root cause of this is embodied in our saying in Tagalog, “Huwag kang magbuhat ng sariling bangko”.  Or in Ilocano, we would usually hear the old folks saying, “Urayem nga ti sabali nga tao ti mangdayaw kenka”.  It is interesting how when we were growing up, this is something that we were taught as children.  I believe we have taken the extreme when it comes to interpreting this.  In my personal experience, I think this curtails a child’s confidence and pride in what he/she has accomplished.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong about a child talking about his/her little successes early on in life.  On the contrary, they should be encouraged.

We struggle to make a distinction between ‘bragging’ and ‘taking pride’ in what we have accomplished.  To us, there is hardly any difference between these two or the difference is at least blurred.  The truth is, there is a big difference.  I believe that raising kids to take pride in what they have done creates kids who will take charge when they grow up.  They will be kids who are not held back because of what others might think of them.  These are the self-assured children who we might sometimes think as forward.  But the reality is, we need more kids like them.  They are the children who will become leaders and who will not just sit back, wait and follow what the rest will do.  They should be allowed to celebrate their achievements without being accused of bragging or being conceited.

One thing I have learned is this, “It’s not enough that you think you are good, you must also be perceived as good”.  How many of us actually think that we are doing OK.  Except that only you know about it.  Moral of the story – you need to make that known to others.  And usually, this process is more deliberate than you think.  What you think is obvious is not always obvious to others.

When I observe how school children in Australia are taught these days, I could really see the difference compared to my own school days back in Magsingal.  As early as pre-school, part of their daily activity is to have a ‘news item’.  Each child gets a turn every week to go in front of the class and talk about any special possession they have or any great things they have done or experienced.  Some call this the ‘show and tell’.  And this explains why these kids are quite confident to stand up even before the adults and tell them about the great things they have or have experienced.

One more thing I noticed about our culture is, when we see other people who seem to be doing much better than us and who might appear to be miles ahead of us, we start to be cynical about those people.  Instead of genuinely being happy for them, we would brand them as ‘pangas’ or ‘lastog’ or ‘siguro nangabak ti lotto’.  Or probably we are just aching inside with jealousy.  But why don’t we look at their successes with a view of emulating them and learning from them instead?  And because of this mindset, we don’t have a strong propensity to share our great experiences in life out in the open.  We don’t see sharing our stories of feat and achievement as an opportunity to inspire other people especially the young ones.  Instead, we are fearful that once we proclaim any of our accomplishments publicly, that we will be the object of scrutiny and in extreme cases, maybe even ridicule.

I just hope we move away from this and let us celebrate the many achievements that we all have enjoyed.  Let’s inspire the younger generation to have bigger dreams than ours!