Teenage mom (no more…)

by Hennie Jane Tamayo-Ugale
(as published 4 years ago in MVP)

My family - Ben, Janley and Benedict Jr.

To all the readers out there, I would like to share my story as a young mother, with the hope that it will help other kids to make their lives better.

When I was at my very young age, I dreamt of someday becoming a doctor.  But all my dreams seem to have faded when my parents decided to go on their separate ways.  This happened when I was in my first year in university.  I felt so bad and I was so mad with my parents that I ended up learning how to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.  I hang out with my friends all the time and felt that nobody loves me except myself.  Then one day, I got pregnant.  I felt very happy and I told to myself, “May kakampi na ako.” But I soon realized that it’s not as easy as I thought. My family got so mad at me and I ended up living at my grandma’s and aunt’s house. They were the only ones who helped me and understood me at that time. That was when it dawned on me how hard it is to have a baby especially having nothing at all. Thank God, I had my grandma who helped me financially and emotionally.

My Nanany

Then one day my aunt decided to help me.  She suggested I should try to go abroad and that she could help me.  But I needed to go schooling for the live-in caregiver program. So two months after giving birth, I went back to school for the training.  I went to school in the morning and took care of my baby at night.  I was still lucky that my other aunt came to Manila with me to help me look after my baby during the day. After the training and processing of my papers, it was time to say goodbye to my little one.  It was very painful for a mother to leave her child.  But I thought I had to sacrifice just to give my child a good future.  Lumipad ako to Canada.  I worked with my aunt as a nanny to a very rich family.  I was so happy that at last I can give my son a good future and that I can send him to a good school.  I missed my son so much that at night I can`t help but cry especially if I call my son and he is crying on the phone saying, “Mama ayan mo umaynak surot kenka, pinanawan nak metten.” Sabi ko sa aking sarili sana hindi ko na lang iniwanan ang anak ko pero sabi ko rin na para din sa kanya lahat ng ito balang araw.

Janley in Magsingal

Years have passed that I have to go back to Philippines para magbakasyon. Paglabas ko sa airport, ang una kong hinanap ay ang aking anak,  When i saw him, he doesn`t even want to hug or kiss me.  Ang sakit sa dibdib na ang aking anak ay ayaw man lang akong halikan, para ba akong stranger sa aking sariling anak.  I tried my best to get his trust back.  Until na matapos ang bakasyon ko hindi pa kami close ng anak ko. Sabi ko sa aking sarili, as soon as I can get him, kukunin ko siya agad para bumalik ang pagtitiwala at pagmamahal ng anak ko sa akin.  Then the time that I have been waiting for years arrived, now I have to go back to get my son.

I think this is the hardest part for me, saying goodbye to 2 wonderful persons in my life who took care of me and my son, my nanang (lola) and my nanay (auntie).  I could not think of anything to say because I know that whatever I say will still break their hearts.  But I know that getting my son with me is the right thing to do.

Getting ready for my Auntie's wedding

I know that my son Janley is an excitable child.  However, he becomes quiet when he is hiding something.  I noticed this on the day of our flight – it was very obvious that he was deep in thought and became really quiet.

When we were in the plane he was looking out the window and just stared outside and as a mom I do not know what to say.  Then I gathered the courage to ask him, “Are you okay anak ko?"  He said, “Yes Ma.”  Then he started to cry.  It broke my heart because I know how it is to be left behind.  I still remember when my nanay flew to Hong Kong.  I was crying so hard until my aunties and uncles brought me to Luneta just to cheer me up. Then it was time to face the reality when we reached Toronto.  My uncles, aunts and my husband came to pick us up.  Janley was a bit happy but you can still see the other side of his mind is in the Philippines.

My two sons, Janley and Benedict Jr.

I could not think of any incident that I was happier than the moment that I am going to be with my son forever.  But I am not sure with my son if he feels the same way.  He was crying all night, every night for a week saying, "Nanay ko."  Believe me, I know how he feels.  I felt that too before.  I always talk to him, comforting him and telling him that I love him so much, that I will never leave him anymore and I will take good care of him.

I keep praying and asking for His guidance.  Then one day my son was okay.  He adjusted very well wit his new environment.  He loves to go to school and he comes to my work when he doesn't go to school.  He even met the famous hockey player Eric Lindros, who happens to be my employer.  He loves to go and sleep over with his cousins and friends.  We are really enjoying each moment that we missed when we were apart.  We always go to places together.

Janley, very proud to be the big brother

Now that I have two kids, it is way harder for me especially when I was still working.  I am telling you, being a working housewife with 2 kids is not the easiest job in the world. I do not even know where to start.  It is very hard to live in a foreign land having no help at all except myself.  I don’t even have time to watch my show anymore and check my emails.  I just really tried to find time to write this article so I can share my story especially to those teenagers out there who think that being a mom is easy.  I can assure you, life will never be the same as before when you were still with your parents.  When you are earning your own money that will be the time when you realize how hard life can be.

Our new pride and joy, Benedict Jr.